The Captain and his Doctor
by DrMcCoyFTW
Summary: Drabbles about Kirk/McCoy. Warning Slash, dont like dont read. Rated T for minor swearing.
1. The First fifteen

**1. Frozen**

McCoy can't believe how afraid he is when he tells Jim he's been in love with the other for a long time. His heart pounds, his face flushes and he is frozen to the spot. Luckily Kirk likes his prey immobile.

**2. Grumpy**

Not only Bones gets grumpy. Jim is very grumpy for instance when Leonard hogs all the sheets.

**3. Novel**

"I don't care how well recommended it is I'm not reading that smut Jim!" The doctor argues.

**4. Superhero**

James T Kirk is the hero of the Enterprise who saved the earth. Jim thinks he's nothing compared to his lover, 'cause if he's the hero then Bones is a Superhero.

**5. Hyposprays**

"Damnit Bones! That hurt!" Jim squeals after his bi-annual shots. "What? Don't I even get a lollipop for being a good boy?" Jim asks sarcastically. He is met by soft lips on his and then firm hand leading him out of sickbay. 'Damn…' is the only thought the Captain can comprehend.

**6. Degree**

McCoy's medical degree hangs on the wall of his tiny CMO's office along with several pictures of Joanna and one of Kirk.

**7. Why**

Bones often asks 'Why me?' Jim doesn't need to answer that question because the Doctor knows it's rhetorical.

**8. Fear**

McCoy fears outer space. Uhura fears not comprehending. Spock fears not being able to show his love. Chekov fears not being able to foresee what disasters the future may bring. Sulu fears not being in control. Scotty fears Klingons destroying his baby. Kirk fears loneliness.

**9. Elvis**

McCoy loves the music of the King. Jim vows to destroy this 'King' wherever he may be.

**10. Honest**

Jim really hates it when Leonard is brutally honest with him. He had only been joking when he asked if his butt looked big in his dress uniform.

**11. Funeral**

Leonard H McCoy had never been so remorseful at a funeral. 'If only I had of told him how I felt.' A single tear was permitted as he dropped white Acacia and Aloe flowers. No-one else understands the relevance of the flowers but he and Jim. Acacia represented secret love and Aloe grief. 'Goodbye Jim. I love you' He told the headstone.

**12. Animal**

Leonard once dreamt that he was a Parrot who had only been taught three phrases. Jim was an Eagle magnificent, majestic and as flamboyant as ever.

**13. Opposite**

McCoy had turned into a woman. He hadn't just cross dressed but he was physically and internally changed into a female human thirty-one year old. No-one can explain how it happened other that Bones calling the head Priestess of the matriarch of Venus XII a 'He-She'. Jim didn't mind that much, there were more _bouncy_ parts to explore on FemmeBones. Jim liked. McCoy couldn't wait to be changed back.

**14. Teams**

Joanna had Bones wrapped around her little finger. Jim had Bones wrapped around his finger. Separate they were dangerous and most of the time got their own way. When they joined the same team Joanna and Jim were unstoppable.

**15. Cook**

Jim is an absolutely awful cook. Sometimes he even screws up using the replicator. But McCoy is always willing to try his damn awful dishes and even ask for seconds. He does it because he loves him.

Plus he has hyposprays for food poisoning.


	2. Upto Number Thirty

**16. Shouting**

Jim and Leonard rarely fight. But the 'Captain; and' CMO' fight all the time

**17. Scotch**

Scotty likes Scotch eggs. McCoy cant stand them. Kirk eats five. Chekov claims they're a Russian invention.

**18. Pompous**

McCoy cant believe the ease at which Jim talks to the pompous sponsors of Starfleet. He can ass kiss like the best of them. But that's the price that comes with being the poster boy .

**19. Murder**

Somedays McCoy tells the Captain he would gladly kill him.

Often the feeling's mutual.

**20. Gossip**

The morning after the first time they sleep together people seem to be whispering more than usual. As he walks up the Bridge later on the smirks are beginning to irritate him. "Uhura, why is everyone so damn happy today?" He questions the Communications officer. "I may have told three or four friends about you and the Captain's ahh, 'couplings' last night."

When McCoy spurts coffee all over the young woman and demands to know how and why she simply replies. "Why wouldn't the Communication's officer give out vital information the crew _needs_ to know? Let's call it Women's intuition."

**21. Luck**

Jim Kirk is an immensely lucky man. He has his own spaceship. His ravishing 'Pretty boy' looks. A loyal crew of over four hundred. Beautiful blonde locks. But he would swap it all for Bones.

**22. Luxury**

Because Jim had been stuck with his mechanic step-father while his mom was off plant, he had never really experienced the good life. Sure, he had enough credits at the end of the day for a couple of beers and had experienced a few romps on silk sheets. But it wasn't until he became Captain that he realised how much he had missed out in life.

**21. Eyebrow**

Spock can raise one eyebrow. McCoy raises both. Uhura has been known to crease her eyebrows together. When Scotty frowns his eyebrows practically reach the tip of the nose. One day Jim staggers into Sickbay clutching his head. He'd been practising his eyebrow raise in the mirror and had got a brow cramp. McCoy didn't stop laughing for an hour.

**22. Technology**

Often when the computer is refusing him access to his room because it claims his password is wrong, McCoy feels like taking an Axe to the ship. Instead he stays with Jim. What he doesn't know is Jim uses Captain's privilege to override the Doctor's password.

**23. Impressions**

First impressions can be a bitch. Jim sat in the cadet shuttle battered and bruised. McCoy sat trying to keep his breakfast. They shared a hipflask of whiskey. They both see each other at the worst point of their lives. Things can only get better.

**24. Blue**

Jim loves how blue McCoy's eyes are. They remind him of the sky on earth.

**25. Nicknames**

Kirk likes to name people. The cadet that smacked him one in the bar was _Cupcake_. Chekov gets called _Wiz-kid_. Spock gets called _Spocklar _(But only in Jim's head). McCoy is _Bones_. He names people because it allows him an ownership of them.

**26. Stereotypes**

They both hate their stereotype. McCoy is a doctor so he must be friendly and free of human error. Kirk is a Captain so he must be omniscient and omnipotent. Both of them know they cannot always live up to the high standards expected of them.

**27. Religion**

McCoy is a Catholic man, always has been always will be. Never said he was a good one. But on Sundays he worships God and thanks him. Jim worships him.

**28. Temptation**

Jim knows that McCoy is weak to temptation. Yet another method he has to wheedle the doctor into giving him what he wants. Especially if there was Mint Julep involved.

**29. Tribble**

McCoy finds the Tribbles absolutely adorable. He's heartbroken when the Captain exiles them on a Klingon Warbird. Unknown to Jim, he hides his favourite pair under the bed. They're called Clint and Eastwood.

**30. Hangover**

McCoy wakes up after a hell of a booze up with Jim's arm flung over his waist, a luminous pink bra in his pocket, rainbow painted nails and one of Sulu's precious orchids clenched in his hands. He merely grunts, rolls over and goes back to sleep.

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A/n: Yeah so becuase I couldn't resist continuing this

:3  
Please R&R

Any propmts you would like to see are welcome!


	3. Moving to FourtyFive

**31. Music**

They both love the old style music. Although it is hard to sing along when you're rat ass drunk and eating your partner's face at the same time.

**32. Engineer**

It's only the Chief Engineer that after five years still doesn't know about the two men's relationship. Although McCoy has his doubts about him being completely oblivious after the time he had carried Jim in his arms to the sickbay after an away mission gone bad with Scotty following like a puppy. When they tell him he faints.

**33. Flowers**

Jim likes to try different things to mix their relationship up. One day when he _'persuades' _Sulu to let him borrow some flowers and presents them to Bones he is met by a disapproving glare and a boot on his butt guiding him out the door. It turns out that McCoy is allergic to pollen.

**34. Sheets**

"I dinna how many pints he had Doctor ,but I….but I was on my eighth when 'e was still goin'." The normally reliable Scotty slurs at him when dropping off the very drunk Captain at his room. "He's got six sheets to the wind Mr MahCoy"

**35. Halloween**

McCoy doesn't understand the concept of Halloween. He summarises that it is an archaic tradition that forces young children to disguise themselves and then go knocking on stranger's doors asking for food that they don't know where it has been. In short he refuses point blank to allow Joanna to go Trick or Treating. Jim takes her anyway and tells the girl that Daddy will forget all about it when he and Daddy have adult cuddling.

**36. Adore**

Jim liked McCoy's office he kept lots of relics and odd things in there. One day when snooping around he came across a teddy bear. It was a hideous colour pink and had 'Adore' written across it's chest. When the good Doctor came in and saw his lover playing with it he blew his top. Later he discovered it had been his great grandmother's.

**37. Mint**

McCoy has his own miniature mint plant in his room. A present from his daughter. He uses it for Mint Juleps because the replicator doesn't do it half as good as he can.

**38. Fire**

Jim Kirk could easily be described as Fire. He was passionate, bold, exciting and dangerous. But McCoy was a force of nature too. McCoy was more like Water. Understanding, Intelligent and Calm but just as dangerous. They clashed well. As they say opposites attract.

**39. Pet**

At first Leonard was taken back when Jim called him 'Pet'. When he asked why he was told his lover was trying to find another nickname for him. After a couple of weeks of being called 'Pet', 'Love', 'Sweetheart', 'Honey' and a verity of other embarrassing names he demanded that Jim called him Bones again.

**40. Green**

Green was a nice colour. Jim mused one day when sitting in his Captain's chair. A good mix of yellow and blue. He wondered if one day he and Bones would have their own little green.

**41. Thief**

When Kirk realises that McCoy has stolen his heart he doesn't bother to ask for it back.

**42. Portrait**

Whenever the Bridge crew tried to get a portrait of all of them inventively something would go wrong or someone would go missing. After the twenty-eighth attempt they finally gave up trying.

**43. Pillow**

McCoy tends to sleepwalk when he's stressed. One shift after a particularly gruelling attack from saboteurs McCoy sleepwalks his way into Kirk's room and uses his friends as a pillow. Kirk doesn't have the heart to wake him up.

**44. Hug**

Jim likes to Hug people. It's a bit of a surprise after less then an hour of meeting Kirk that he gives McCoy a bear hug to 'Get over the stress of he shuttlecraft.' From that day onwards McCoy started to like hugs too,

**45. Baby**

McCoy and Kirk collapse in an exhausted heap after Sulu and Chekov come to collect their Demora. After hours of crying and changing and feeding the both feel ready to open a vein. "Jim. We're never having another kid. Jo's at a nice age now where she doesn't need changing and what not" McCoy sternly tells his lover much to the man's agreement.

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A/n: Dedicated to the totally awesome The_Lazy_Medi-Wolf who gave me so many great ideas and got me so hyper I'm writing at 2 am!

Please R&R as always

And thank your for your continued support and adoration!


	4. Keep on trucking to Sixty

**46. Sleep**

McCoy hates when Jim stays on away missions. He hasn't been able to sleep alone since before the academy.

**47. Introductions**

The first time Jim meets Joanna they take an instant dislike to each other. She still claims she never meant to trip him in front of the Andorian ambassador but Jim demands justice. He gets his reparations when Joanna leaves a week later.

**48. Caught**

One night when Jim sneaks up Bones he recognises the book he's reading it was the smutty romance he had tried to get him to read months ago. "So Leonard. Enjoying your read?" He purrs in his lover's ear. McCoy locks him out of his room for a week for nearly giving him a heart attack.

**49. Legend**

The names of James T Kirk and Spock of the USS Enterprise would live forever in Legend. McCoy would become a myth.

**50. Words**

Kirk never actually says the words "I love you." in all the long years they where together. McCoy didn't need to hear those words to know.

**51. Conceited**

McCoy has to keep Kirk's massive ego in check with frequent hypos. God knows he's the only person who can control the conceited captain.

**52. History**

"So what the hell's an internet?" Kirk queried. McCoy looked up from the massive stack of paperwork the obscured his face at the Captain who was sprawled on one of Sickbay's biobeds. "I don't know Jim. I think it was something to do with a big spider's web. But anyway I'm a Doctor not a historian. Ask Spock he's bound to know."

**53. Doubles**

McCoy backed against the corridor wall. Damnit now there were two Kirks. Twin smiles accosted the Doctor along with a duo of warm bodies twisting around him. _'Maybe it isn't so bad' _McCoy mused.

**54. Russian**

McCoy doesn't really understand why everyone's so confused that he can speak basic Russian. Chekov was feeling homesick and Uhura was _busy _with Spock so he talked to him in the boy's native tongue for a while. What he hadn't expected was the big uproar of people being completely overwhelmed that McCoy knew how to say '_How are you?' _in another language.

He thanks Uhura for the private lessons later.

**55. Brain**

_'Okay this is wrong.'_ Thought Kirk. McCoy, of all people was singing. Not a half bad voice actually, baritone very gruff though. Nurse Chapel had a lovely trilling soprano and Spock was a bass, which was sorta creepy. "Why are you singing?" He paused. "Why am I singing?" he balanced. _'Okay I'm gonna have to face the fact that I'm never going to be an Opera singer.'_ Kirk resounded.

"You hit your head. That's why your in a biobed." The Doctor crooned. Kirk grunted at him an closed his eyes telling himself _'It'll all be over in the morning.'_

**56. Innuendo**

Jim was a massive fan of innuendo so when they go a chance to visit a planet which seemed to be stuck in the middle ages he relished the chance to tell everyone about his massive sword.

**57. Birthdays**

Bones knew all about how George Kirk died on the day that Jim was born. It was the Twenty Fifth anniversary of his death. Jim refused to have a birthday celebration. Instead they toasted to the dead and to the still living.

**58. Portraits**

McCoy glares viciously at anyone who tried to take a photo of him for the ship's log. It takes months of wheedling and pleading from Uhura just to get a snapshot of him. She doesn't realise how badly unphotogenic he is.

**59. Dictionary**

The good Doctor could say "You've got a bruise on your ass." in the only way that wasn't recognisable to people who hadn't swallowed a Medical dictionary. "You have a deep tissue contusion on the Gluteus Maximus." Even Jim who was a certifiable genius sometimes had trouble understanding him. It was kinda hot.

**60. Stories**

They often talked about their lives over glasses of Saurian Brandy (Very illegal but very medicinal) they knew each other better than they knew themselves.

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A/n: Thank you all for your continued support and comments! R & R please!  
If you want to suggest promts for me to do I'm very grateful and willing to do them all!


	5. Oh my Seventy Five

**61. Grammar**

It really grinds his gears when people don't have proper grammar. Especially when Jim tried to write in a Southern accent, for Christ's sakes he puts 'y'all'! After eight grammar lessons Jim assures his lover he now knows to put 'ya'll'.

**62. Popcorn**

They organise a Bridge crew movie night, well more like Uhura organises it and everyone else bickers about which movie to watch. Half an hour through the classic comedy horror 'Saw' and a popcorn fight breaks out. Sulu is crowned victor.

**63. Nightmares**

Sometimes the Doctor has horrible nightmares about the ship being destroyed and everyone dying and he having to watch it all while safe in an escape shuttle. One day on shore leave on Earth when talking to Jim's mom he confesses this and saw tears in her eyes and rolling down her cheeks because she understands.

**64. Diplomacy**

They hatch their plan over many hours before finally agreeing. "Right so I get Bones on Mondays, Fridays and Saturdays." Jim starts. "That means Daddy and I can have quality time together on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays." Joanna continues marking it down on her E-Padd.

"So he gets Wednesdays free?"

"Yups, that gives him time for his paperwork."

"I like how you think Miss McCoy."

"What am I? A friggin puppy?"

**65. Sleep**

During their third year aboard the Enterprise and unknown strain of Flu breaks out. The result is half the crew down with illness and the other half where displaying symptoms. It was so bad even Spock was down with a fever and nausea. McCoy finally finds an antibody capable of completely destroying the strain that had developed. He had been working for fifty straight hours before he could finally pass the immunisation onto Nurse Chapel and collapse into a fitful sleep next to his microscope.

When he wakes at 0857 there was a blanket wrapped around him that smells like Kirk and a cup of coffee by his elbow.

**66. Stab**

McCoy sighed happily as a petty officer yelps as the Hypospray is jammed into his neck. Yep Hyposprays truly where his first love. That feeling of pure love just couldn't be replaced by anything else.

**67. Freeze**

"Y..You know in situations like this it's normal for survivors to take their clothes off and h..h..huddle together for warmth." Jim noted. The Bridge crew had all been granted Shore Leave and decided to go to the same bar together. They hadn't expected to be transported from sunny Dirgt to the Arctic chill of Aquant.

He receives four pointed glares (Bones, Sulu, Uhura and Scotty) and a raised eyebrow (Spock). Thankfully for Kirk the Ensign's voice pitches in. "The Keptin has a point. I vas taught that in my first school as part of survival training." At the younger genius' input the all shuffle towards the nearest cave and huddle together under a massive blanket. Spock in the center because he was the warmest, Uhura snuggled into his right side and Sulu on his other. McCoy was tucked in next to Uhura and Jim was sandwiched in next to him with Scotty on the edge. The youngest, Chekov was sprawled across Sulu and seemed to be lightly dozing.

"Well I'm nice and toasty now. We should do this more often." Kirk smirked. McCoy sighed and pulled him closer. It was cold Damnit.

**68. Dance**

"A dinner dance?"

"Yep. Y'know you eat then you move to the music."

"Not going."

"Why not? You love dancing. Plus you can laugh at Spock falling all over the place. You know you like making fun of him."

"Used to go to those sort of things with _her_. Never gone to one since."

"Will you go if I give you a kiss?"

"No. Get out Jim."

"Two kisses?"

"Goodbye Jim."

"Three?"

**69. Intuition**

McCoy's blood runs cold as he takes a large bite into his lunch. His face pales as he gropes his hip for the communicator, flipping it open he practically yells for Jim. He's shaking now waiting for the reply. The mess hall is silent. "Ow. What the hell do you want Bones!" The whine comes through .

"What happened?" The doctor questioned, visibly more relaxed. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding in. "Fell over. How the hell do you always know I'm hurt?" The Captain whines. The southern man laughs lightly and tells him.

"Intuition."

**70. Common Sense**

Jim is a genius. That is a fact. Being a genius however does not make up for a complete lack of common sense.

**71. Shelter**

To the Captain his lover is like a rock. Providing constant support and protection. When he voices that opinion the doctor admits it's the happiest he's ever been while being compared to a stone.

**72. Chocolate**

"So in the21st century they named chocolate bars after space?" Bones asks amazed. The two friends are sitting in his quarters making good haste through a bottle of whiskey. "Yep you heard me, Mars, Milky way, Galaxy and Milky stars. They where a bit obsessed with outer space."

**73. Nap**

Jim adored having daytime naps.. It was a bad habit gained through nights in Iowa picking up women in bars. He was in a monogamous relationship now but he still loved his naps.

**74. Dress**

Another Day. Another Away Mission. Another Matriarch.

McCoy waited with Scotty as the landing party beamed up again. He knew they had been forced to wear costumes in order to fit in and none of the crew had been allowed to see the party going down. Which only added to the curiosity of it all. "Energizing." The transported buzzed and dematerialised four figures.

"Not a freakin' word Bones?" Jim says and flounces off. Much aided by the long blonde wig and massive hoop skirted dress. The doctor just stares then follows him out of the room.

**75. Curse**

Most of the time while they are doing _it._ All that Jim can understand from the muttering and moans is very loud and very crude curses. For some reason it turns him on more though.

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A/n: OMG! Over 2000 readers! I love you all!

Thank you all so much for your continued support, reviews and advice.

Please remember to R&R.

Particular thanks go to all my reviewers especially audi katia (for her lovely long reviews and telling me about the comics on DA!) , incoherantreality (For noticing my lil mistake), Albert Einstein's Fan girl (for the really cute reviews), RID3RLVR (For the awesome prompts) and most of all to Hover who got the scrubs quote! This chapter is dedicated to you all!


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